"Going to put myself out there once again emphatically state there aren't enough grumblers. Or grumblers who get things done. 147 years the church had been in operation and never needed a sign about not let your dog do it's duty in the church garden then one day Dr. X. spotted this atrocity-someone was letting their dog urinate on the plop and drop garden. An argument ensued, I witnessed it and apologized to the people that were abused and thought there have been times that I have been just as cruel as Dr. X. Well within the next few days we had a sign that instructed dog owners not to use the garden as a doggy pooh drop. 147 years if only someone had complained more quickly.

My thoughts turned to Dr. X. and how one Christmas he gave me a piece of candy and acted as if it were a hundred dollar bill coming from him it was a great advancement because from what I knew of him he was a real jerk and yet hopefully he helped others. I really didn't want to be at church at here I was at a funeral. Once upon a time I asked one of the deacons if they knew the man I was talking about and they sort of just blew me off and I knew they knew who I was talking about.

Nose up in the air Dr. X. the yeller and shouter. And yet I did all these things as well. He was just another example of what not to do in life and yet the grumbler got the job done.

Talking to my Aunt one night I told her that one day I was going to go into work and just be a grump and not pump myself up to motivate and lead others. Sure enough the next day I didn't smile or say, "Hello," to anyone and all semi-literally endeavored to cheer me up. Flowers and chocolates and cards adorned my desk. People asked if, "I was okay," and if there "was anything that they could do for me." The grump won It was that what it took to get things done; because, that wasn't the person I wanted to be.

The funeral I went to was that of Dr. X. and the six priests and bishop that had the mass praised him profusely as did I and at least from my prospective it was the big lie. Finding so many simple things that could have been done better in the church and bringing these things to "management" didn't change a thing. It allowed me to be one disgruntled member of the body of Christ. So I talked to a priest I knew and told him that my path lead me to be the Grumbler-in-Chief and that I didn't like being there.

We laughed. My confession is my whole life. Would God have just left Job the way he was if he didn't complain?

Think Trump. Why would he get done what he wanted? No one wanted to deal with him. Reminds me of a woman I used to work with nothing was ever right. And we all kissed up even harder. In the wrong systems grumbling gets the job done.

So in life the real objective is to rise above all the nonsense turning the mountains into mole holes. As I'm talking right now, someone's blasting their video they are watching and talking into the phone to have it write for me just isn't working. So many times things didn't work out in my life. I pursued this or pursued that. Practiced many different forms of sharpening my ax. I apportioned blame on all sorts of different people and causes and even astrological occurrences. 

If they've abused my intelligence, didn't pay me well enough, lied about the job or didn't like me, I am ultimately responsible for the outcome. Then you have issues like attachment and detachment. I like my toes being attached to my foot. And my foot being attached to my leg. Would I want them to be any different?

And what is total detachment ? Is it cold uncaring passionless? And since we must be attached to something-what exactly should we be attached to? Do I have an attachment to losing? Argument? Not winning? And you can spend a lot of time in an analyst chair or couch while spending lots of money pondering these things and then realizing that you have bills to pay. 

So life became a game of games. Come say to play the game this way and other's the other way.

"June 29, 1938. Meditation on the bus to Harrisburg. Thinking gloomily of the sins and shortcomings of others, it suddenly came to me to remember my own offenses, just as heinous as those of others. If I concern myself with my own sins and lament them, if I remember my own failures and lapses, I will not be resentful of others. This was most cheering and lifted the load of gloom from my mind. It makes one unhappy to judge people and happy to love them." Dorothy Day